


half of my heart has a grip on the situation (half of my heart takes time)

by byeolbit



Series: half of a heart [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: F/M, Gen, Longing/pining, Monsta X mentioned, gang!VIXX AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 09:25:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byeolbit/pseuds/byeolbit
Summary: The middle of a gang war is hardly the correct time to fall back in love and Jaehwan knows this. But his mind has no control on the way his heart free falls.





	half of my heart has a grip on the situation (half of my heart takes time)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by John Mayer's [Half Of My Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aojTGWAqUIQ) and [Free Fallin'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20Ov0cDPZy8)

It's seven pm on a Friday night and everyone is at the headquarters. The gang travels in groups and pairs now so that they can minimize the risk of being attacked.

Tensions run high in Uiseong. While the conflict has been years in the making, it precipitates faster than anyone had anticipated and leaves ugly consequences for everyone involved.

It's turf war. It always is. The rich landowners versus the poorer community that has been pushed out to  Uiseong and is now is in danger of losing it. There is truly no end to human greed and no lack of gruesome means to achieve ends.

Hakyeon is in a pensive mood, poring over the map of Uiseong that Jaehwan knows like the back of his hand now. Wonshik and Taekwoon are taking turns cleaning their guns while Hongbin and Sanghyuk are out on protection detail for a supply run along with Hyungwon and Minhyuk.

Jaehwan and Hakyeon both start when there is a knock on the door. Jaehwan walks towards the door cautiously while everyone gets to their feet. He looks around to make sure that everyone is alert and opens the door.

It's just Sooyeon and everyone relaxes visibly.

“I needed some help” she says by the way of an explanation.

Jaehwan looks at Hakyeon who nods and Jaehwan follows Sooyeon. The headquarters are essentially Hakyeon's family garage and Sooyeon's presence isn't unnatural since she is his sister. But everyone is on edge till Sanghyuk and Hongbin return and they know for a fact that their youngest are safe.

Jaehwan steps into the kitchen and spots Hwemi dozing in the crib in the corner. The rice cooker is on and running and stew cooking away on the stove.

“The box of plates on the top” Sooyeon says, pointing to the box next to the long chimney pipe that rests on top of the kitchen cupboards. “I couldn't reach it and I couldn't find the step ladder.”

Jaehwan nods, not wanting to tell her that Hakyeon used the step ladder as a defense against a rival gang member and the pieces were burned along with the body to hide the evidence. It's not the kind of thing one tells little sisters anyways.

He stretches his hand out and reaches the box with minimal difficulty. It's heavy but he manages to get it down and set it on the table. The loud clunk of china wakes Hwemi up and she starts to cry.

Jaehwan looks apologetically at Sooyeon who only waves him off and picks her daughter up. She pats her back and rocks her while consoling her with baby sounds. The crying stops and coughs and sniffing remains.

Jaehwan has taken to thinking about Hwemi's father. Sooyeon turned up at Hakyeon's doorstep a year ago, alone and four months pregnant and terrified for her life. She refuses till date to talk about specifics and it drives Hakyeon up the wall.

To Jaehwan who was in love with her before she left years ago, it's confusing as fuck. He doesn't know how to feel about it. Sooyeon never talks about the father. Is he dead? Is he alive? Was it someone who loved her but went missing in the violence? Or was it some bastard who left her because he didn't want to shoulder the responsibility?

Hwemi gurgles when Sooyeon plays with her, pretending to steal her nose. She is a good mother and Hwemi is a good child. She deserves a father who will protect her.

Sooyeon puts Hwemi down and hands her a green dinosaur toy that once belonged to Sanghyuk as a child. It will keep her busy while she cooks.

The role of the group's primary caregiver is something that Sooyeon falls into naturally. Perhaps her newfound motherly instincts extend to the boys despite being younger than most of them. She cooks and cleans, helps treat their injuries and takes care of Hwemi.

Jaehwan catches the brief expression of sadness and loneliness that passes by Sooyeon's face when she pets Hwemi's hair. His heart sinks further. She isn't happy and it doesn't look like there is anything he can do to help.

Sooyeon doesn't linger on the thought and returns to the stove to check on the stew.

“Do you need some help?” Jaehwan asks.

Sooyeon shakes her head in response. “Do you know if we are expecting more people for dinner?”

“Probably Minhyuk and Hyungwon” Jaehwan speculates. It would be inhuman to send them back out now that it's dark. Hakyeon will inevitably ask them to stay and Hyunwoo will permit them, being as much as a worrying leader as Hakyeon.

“Did you feed Hwemi already?”

“Yeah. Half an hour ago. She dozed off after that.”

Jaehwan nods. He busies himself in taking out plates from the box on the table and unwrapping them from the newspaper. They work in silence and only stop to look up when they hear a car pull into the driveway. Jaehwan hears Hongbin before he sees the group getting out of the car at the window.

“They are just in time” Sooyeon says as she turns off the rice cooker. The stew finished a few minutes ago and is cool enough to transfer it to the table. She puts it on the table and pushes a lock of stray hair away from her forehead.

Jaehwan laughs as it results in her smearing some of the creamy broth on her head. He grabs a tissue and dabs it away, cupping her face with his free hand. Sooyeon turns pink out of embarrassment and he can feel her cheeks heat up.

Have her eyes always been dark brown?

Have her lips always been so glossy or is it her lip balm? Is it still raspberry flavoured like it used to be when they were teenagers fooling around in the shed behind the railroad tracks?

Jaehwan pulls away. His heart beat is racing and anyone could walk in at any time and find them like this. God forbid it be Hakyeon. He doesn't know how to explain what this is.

He watches as Sooyeon's face falls as well. He doesn't know how to explain what just happened to her either.

“Can you call everyone for dinner?” Sooyeon asks stepping away from him. She doesn't look at him when she speaks and he doesn't look at her when he nods in reply.

He thinks about it all the way down to the garage. He walks in and sees Sanghyuk and Hongbin briefing Hakyeon on the happenings of the night. Minhyuk and Hyungwon are predictably staying. There was an altercation five blocks over and Hakyeon isn't taking any chances.

Jaehwan clears his head out. This is dangerous. His lifestyle is dangerous. He can't afford to worry about what he feels for Sooyeon. He has to focus on keeping her safe first. And with no end to the war in sight, this is a near impossible task.

There is also no guarantee that any of the people in the room will make it through unharmed. He can't die and leave her alone again. Can he raise her hopes and then leave her alone again, that feeling of loneliness from earlier settling into her soul permanently?

It's better if he says nothing at all.

“Your sister wanted to call everyone for dinner” he announces once the briefing is done. Jaehwan avoids even her name lest his treacherous heart acts up.

“We'll set up a place to sleep for both of you after dinner” Hakyeon tells them. Minhyuk and Hyungwon nod gratefully and the group devolves into small talk as they step out.

“Are you coming?” Wonshik asks, noticing Jaehwan linger.

“Yeah just give me a minute” Jaehwan tells him. Wonshik nods and leaves, giving him the space he needs.

Jaehwan steps out eventually, composure extending only to his mind and outer appearance but not his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/poojamk15?s=09) | [Tumblr](https://vixxscifiwritings.tumblr.com) | [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/poojamk15)


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